When I am
overwhelmed with self induces tragedies, overthinking and a loss of sense, I
try to reach out to one thing- rain. Of course, I am not that lucky every time
and rain isn’t something that would arrive from my phone call (who would
anyway?). I wish it did though. My obvious reaction in such situations is to
wrap my thoughts up and save it somewhere in my mind. After that, I get hooked
up with my phone, laptop, social media, just about anything. My ideal self
would prefer to read instead. You know, the classics that I always wanted to
read. Even if just for the sake of adding them to my “finished reading” list.
But it’s hard to be your ideal self when you’re desperate and not happy. At
least it is for me and I can tell for sure that many people feel the same. It’s
a different thing that some won’t admit. Just because someone doesn’t admit
doesn’t mean that it isn’t the truth. I wish it would be though. I wouldn’t
admit that my life is fragile and could end anytime, anywhere. I wouldn’t admit
that no matter how fast I tried running from my life, reality would slam me back
anytime. I wouldn’t admit that all my achievements, senses and the things that
I care about would make absolutely no sense once life finds its way to not live
anymore.
Turning back
to the point, when it’s raining, I try unwinding more often than not. I let my
skin feel the droplets of rain and walk around. I try opening the boxes of my
mind and let go. I hope that rain reaches my soul and purifies it, washing away
all those petrified depressed thoughts. Some get left out, only to torture me
afterwards. For a time being, I hope time stays still. I could live all my life
feeling the same way. And for some reason, the rain just doesn’t feel the same.
Maybe there was something different about that place. Is it the times I spent
there that makes me so nostalgic about that place? Might be, but why would time
be any different here? I presume it’s because of the memories, people and sense
of belonging that I have attached to the place. Still, I try to convince myself
that it is rain, peaceful and soothing. Wherever I am…
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